IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Question: Over-fishing has become a very common practice in many countries. ● Why is so? ● What do you think are the effects of over-fishing?

The major business for the community staying in the coastal areas is fishing across the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the huge demand for
fish
Use synonyms
 across the world. To
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the demands at a great level, many countries are
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 overfishing
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has significant negative impacts on
marine
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay outlines some of the reasons for overfishing and the impacts of
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the consumption of
fish
Use synonyms
 has increased worldwide
due to
Linking Words
 its nutritional values like
omega
Correct your spelling
omega-3
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 fatty acids
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and protein
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are good for the health of all age groups.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is a huge demand for
fish
Use synonyms
 oil among athletes since it helps in muscle recovery.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fishing is the only source of income for people staying in coastal areas apart from tourism
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
, therefore
show examples
 overfishing is happening.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the survey conducted by many nations in coastal areas, the outcome states that it will be difficult to survive for individuals if they leave the business of fishing since tourism businesses are highly impacted during
monsoon
Correct article usage
the monsoon
show examples
 in those regions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is causing an imbalance in the
marine
Use synonyms
 ecosystem as many aquatic animals are now listed as endangered
animals
Check wording
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 overfishing and water pollution. It
also
Linking Words
 has negative socio-economic impacts since targeted fishing can result in a population decrease of
fish
Use synonyms
 like tuna and impact the supply of
such
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 in markets,
thus
Linking Words
 affecting the livelihood of the community involved in
this
Linking Words
 business.
To conclude
Linking Words
, 70% of the
earth
Fix capitalization
Earth
show examples
 is covered with water and
marine
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. Any kind of imbalance in aquatic
life
Use synonyms
 will have a huge impact on the other species of the globe.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to protect
marine
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 from pollution and overfishing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should come forward and provide subsidies to people staying in coastal regions to start some businesses or create
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
measures to allow only a limited amount of fishing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Make a plan before you write. Start with a short intro that states the topic and your view. Then write two clear body paragraphs and finish with a clear end.
organization
In each paragraph, have one clear idea and a simple example. Use linking words like also, but, and for example to join ideas.
language
Use only common, everyday words. Avoid long or tricky words. Keep each sentence short.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. End sentences with a full stop. Use commas to join ideas carefully.
examples
Give a real, simple example to back up your points, even a small fact or figure.
structure
The intro states the topic and what will be talked about.
cohesion
The essay uses markers like Firstly, Secondly, and To conclude to show order.
content
It shows both cause and effect and some care for the place and people.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: