IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. •In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? • Is this a positive or negative development

#people #technology #•in #relationships #development
In today's world communication of
people
 has changed dramatically because of new technology. One of the main sources of chatting nowadays is social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and it can badly
affected
Change the verb form
affect
be affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 well
being
Verb problem
well-being
show examples
. One of the widely discussed topics nowadays is social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 which enable
people
 to interact
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 the world,
therefore
 it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
people
 to publish stories and photos which play a crucial part in social
medias
Change to a genitive case
media's
show examples
 technology.
Moreover
, in today's
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 use it to make
a new friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
new friends
a new friend
show examples
 or to be informed as be informed nowadays is essential.
However
, sometimes the social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 stupid or just do not work and to prevent it young generation should put a lot of effort to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of work
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
As a result
, it can prevent
people
 from hectic
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 as they will
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more time on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 can disturb
people
's life as they can negatively
impacted
Change the verb form
be impacted
impact
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health. A primary example of
this
 is children from the USA who spend all of their time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 which
as a result
obtained
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a headache. Another impact
it
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
is mental health as it
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial part in human well being if mental health damaged,
people
's life will be close to death. Recent research found that over half of teenagers had
a mental problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental problems
a mental problem
show examples
 because of using
infinitiately
Correct your spelling
infinitely
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
,
such
 as Instagram ,
therefore
 20 % of children
was died
Change to the active voice
died
has died
show examples
. In conclusion, there are several ways to interact with
people
 ,
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, VK and others which
people
 still thinking that it might be useful
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
However
,
how
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 I said
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 can only bring
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on well- being and I hope that
people
 will use them less in the future.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: