IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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In the modern world, many
people
 believe that financial management and saving
money
 for the future are essential for everyone. I agree with
this
 statement because
this
 step can build an awareness in their brains about the importance of saving
money
.
In contrast
, some
people
 prefer to spend it directly. In
this
 essay, we will analyse
this
 topic with some samples. On the one hand, everyone should have
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 knowledge to manage what they buy. So, it's a primary subject to teach
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to adults and young
people
 in courses or schools.
In addition
, some
people
 think that the salary is not enough to keep a little bit to save. At the same time, it's possible to put a slight percentage
such
 as 5% every month.
Furthermore
, we must give the youngest trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their budget control,
as a result
, they will be more responsible
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves.
For example
, a Japanese authority started
a courses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a course
courses
show examples
 in 2016 for 1000 different ages in Japanese society on the basis of finance. In the end, they learned how to save their
money
.
On the other hand
, many
people
 show the opposite that they favour to enjoy what they earn.
Also
, they argue the responsible idea for young
people
 because it's so difficult for their ages.
Moreover
, some employees who work for small monetary can not think about saving
money
. In conclusion, financial management is very important in the nation to get experience
how
Change preposition
in how
show examples
 to save.
Additionally
, a fraction of schools and organizations are teaching
people
 the ways and practice it in real life. Sometimes, it's hard for some groups of age and poor employees to save more
money
.
Submitted by kalmah.sa20 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments with more depth and detail to better achieve task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay flows smoothly by using more transitional phrases.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines your position and what the essay will cover, which is very effective for setting the stage.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, like the Japanese authority's courses, to support your points effectively.
logical structure
You have a good logical structure, as you present both sides of the argument clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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