some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, a
country
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country's
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finance mainly develops by earning
tourism
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revenue
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. There are many people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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that using
culture
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for
purpose
Correct article usage
a purpose
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will destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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civilization.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people’s
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people
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idea that touristy will take a role in protecting
culture
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. It is vital to understand that, if
a
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apply
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tourism
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has a strong
thrive
Correct subject-verb agreement
thrives
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, it will attract more people from all over the world to come and see it
by
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with
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their
eyes
Correct word choice
own eyes
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.
More
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Moreover
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over
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apply
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money which earn from
tourism
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can be used to restore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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facilities. In Vietnam, many tourist
attraction
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attractions
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use
tourism
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money to update the quality of these places.
This
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mean
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means
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tourism
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revenue
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can be used to
preserved
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preserve
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the
culture
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. With the opinion that
culture
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will
be destroy
Change the verb form
be destroyed
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if it
used
Add a missing verb
is used
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for
tourism
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revenue
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. Every opinion has its correctness and
this
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also
Linking Words
applies
with
Change preposition
to
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the above opinion. It can be easily seen that many tourists touch the heritage and erode it so that it no longer retains its original shape. In China, the rude statue is eroded
due to
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being touched so much. In conclusion,
tourism
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revenue
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can be used to
preserved
Wrong verb form
preserve
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culture
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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think it can destroy
culture
Use synonyms
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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