IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Introduction
Nowadays, a
country
Change noun form
country's
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 finance mainly develops by earning
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
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. There are many people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that using
culture
Use synonyms
 for
purpose
Correct article usage
a purpose
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 will destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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civilization.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people’s
Change noun form
people
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 idea that touristy will take a role in protecting
culture
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.
Body paragraph 1
It is vital to understand that, if
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 has a strong
thrive
Correct subject-verb agreement
thrives
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, it will attract more people from all over the world to come and see it
by
Change preposition
with
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 their
eyes
Correct word choice
own eyes
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.
More
Correct your spelling
Moreover
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over
Change preposition
apply
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money which earn from
Body paragraph 2
tourism
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 can be used to restore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 facilities. In Vietnam, many tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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 use
tourism
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 money to update the quality of these places.
This
Linking Words
mean
Change the verb form
means
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tourism
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revenue
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 can be used to
preserved
Change the form of the verb
preserve
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 the
culture
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.
Body paragraph 3
With the opinion that
culture
Use synonyms
 will
be destroy
Change the verb form
be destroyed
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 if it
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 for
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
. Every opinion has its correctness and
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 applies
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the above opinion. It can be easily seen that many tourists touch the heritage and erode it so that it no longer retains its original shape. In China, the rude statue is eroded
due to
Linking Words
 being touched so much.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 can be used to
preserved
Wrong verb form
preserve
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think it can destroy
culture
Use synonyms

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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