Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactiory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There are divided arguments about accepting the reality of life and salary
while
some argue to fight against the situation and enhance the capability.
This
essay will discuss both views and add the author's opinion. Accept the reality, especially the payment they got
while
working it happened
due to
they do not want to move out of their comfort zones. These are normally caused by their perspective that not brave enough to challenge themselves and sacrifice their spare moment.
Besides
that, they realise does not have enough skills.
For instance
, many sellers in traditional markets hard to face their economic problems, which happens because of the advancement of technology and buyers can purchase via market place.
However
, it can be resolved by collaborating with online companies, but in fact, most of them tend to sell in the old ways.
On the other hand
,
people
develop their ability because they want to be richer. Especially if they already are tired and want to have a convenient life. That motivation led them to push their limits and achieve success.
As a result
, many individuals are not prepared enough for that situation.
For instance
, in developing countries, many
people
try hard to study and attempt to immigrate to other countries. Especially if they have a strong desire to move abroad or have good skills in foreign languages. The reason as an effect from many
people
abroad
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
better revenue than they are living in their country.
To conclude
, accepting the situation is still acceptable for us as a human.
Nevertheless
, it would be better if
people
could try to change their lives at least once time as it could reflect their enthusiasm to have their proper rights.
Submitted by nabilah.sasa09 on

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task achievement
Introductions and conclusions are present and relevant, which is a positive aspect of task achievement. However, there is room for improvement in clearly locking the main body paragraphs to the introduction with more explicit topic sentences.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points more comprehensively. For example, expand on the potential consequences of each perspective you're discussing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical progression, ensuring that one point leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a logical progression of introduction, main body, and conclusion, which is good. Try to ensure that within each paragraph, ideas are equally well-organized, with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure, from introduction to conclusion, generally follows a logical pattern, helping the reader understand the progression of your argument.
task achievement
The essay takes into account both sides of the argument and provides examples, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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