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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graphs illustrate the proportion of food that 2
groups
Use synonyms
 of students consume. The table below compares the general health details between 2 of them.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the main
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 that 2
groups
Use synonyms
 eat are ‘food with a high fat content’ and cereals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fish is the least popular food for both of them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for
group
Use synonyms
 A, the most eaten food is ‘cereals’ which is about 35% and is the same percentage as
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. There is a big proportion
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 ‘food with a high fat content’ for
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 which is about 50% and 30% in
group
Use synonyms
 A.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is a big difference in vegetables which is about 17% between the 2
groups
Use synonyms
. For the fruit and vegetables, the numbers are almost the same. For the health details, there are only 10% of students who are overweight in
group
Use synonyms
 A and 20% in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. There is a gap between the percentage of illness in the past year as well that are about 5% and 12% for
group
Use synonyms
 A and
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the number of attendance at classes
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 quite different between the 2
groups
Use synonyms
 which are 90% and 75% for
group
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, group, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary patterns
  • nutritional intake
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fast food consumption
  • health indicators
  • diet quality
  • beverages
  • sugary drinks
  • health outcomes
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • fatigue
  • health maintenance
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • balance
  • comparison
  • correlation
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