Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Dicuss both sides and give your own opinion

While

it is thought by some individuals that

culture

will

be collapsed

Wrong verb form

collapse

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if it is used for financial improvement and earning income, others take

tourism

into account that it is the only

way

of protecting

culture

because

of

Change preposition

apply

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more and more

people

around the world will experience and examine it which motivate the local residents to preserve their cultures.

This

writer

completly

Correct your spelling

completely

agrees with the latter opinion because it is important to publicize our

culture

to everyone around the world for

tourism

in order to get more income to upgrade it.

To begin

,

although

,

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apply

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others consider that

tourism

is the only

way

of preserving

culture

, some

people

think that it will be ruined if it is used for getting proceeds.

This

is because

,

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apply

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it is concerned that the proceeds and budgets might be taken away by some greedy individuals.

Furthermore

, it can be observed that the

culture

might be vandalized by other

people

.

For example

, it is recorded that

culture

is becoming

demolised

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demolished

demoralised

by aggressive

people

, young

people

makes

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make

show examples

up over 60

percent

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per cent

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in

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of

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Vietnam.

Secondly

,

while

some citizens think it will be ruined if it is used for

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business

, others

considered

Wrong verb form

consider

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that the only

way

to keep

culture

from harm is

tourism

. By

way

of explanation, it can be seen that

tourism

will help the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

to get more opportunities to improve the

culture

by using the proceeds to invest.

Moreover

, it is

appearant

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apparent

that it will get more popular because

tourism

expands tourist's knowledge about the

culture

.

For example

, though Thailand

do

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does

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not have

much

Correct quantifier usage

many

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tourist attractions,

they

Correct pronoun usage

it

show examples

decided to publicize

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

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culture

to everyone around the world to get wealthy and

to

Fix the infinitive

apply

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improve

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

financial

Replace the word

finances

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. Taking everything into consideration,

this

writer agrees with the latter opinion because it is important to expand everyone's knowledge about the

culture

in order to make it more popular and the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

will get more income which motivates them to improve their

culture

.