Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Dicuss both sides and give your own opinion

While
it is thought by some individuals that
culture
will
be collapsed
Wrong verb form
collapse
show examples
if it is used for financial improvement and earning income, others take
tourism
into account that it is the only
way
of protecting
culture
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more and more
people
around the world will experience and examine it which motivate the local residents to preserve their cultures.
This
writer
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
agrees with the latter opinion because it is important to publicize our
culture
to everyone around the world for
tourism
in order to get more income to upgrade it.
To begin
,
although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others consider that
tourism
is the only
way
of preserving
culture
, some
people
think that it will be ruined if it is used for getting proceeds.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is concerned that the proceeds and budgets might be taken away by some greedy individuals.
Furthermore
, it can be observed that the
culture
might be vandalized by other
people
.
For example
, it is recorded that
culture
is becoming
demolised
Correct your spelling
demolished
demoralised
by aggressive
people
, young
people
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
up over 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Vietnam.
Secondly
,
while
some citizens think it will be ruined if it is used for
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, others
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that the only
way
to keep
culture
from harm is
tourism
. By
way
of explanation, it can be seen that
tourism
will help the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
to get more opportunities to improve the
culture
by using the proceeds to invest.
Moreover
, it is
appearant
Correct your spelling
apparent
that it will get more popular because
tourism
expands tourist's knowledge about the
culture
.
For example
, though Thailand
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not have
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
tourist attractions,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
decided to publicize
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
culture
to everyone around the world to get wealthy and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
improve
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
. Taking everything into consideration,
this
writer agrees with the latter opinion because it is important to expand everyone's knowledge about the
culture
in order to make it more popular and the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
will get more income which motivates them to improve their
culture
.

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