Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. it would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #time #sports

Nowadays, children spend too much time in front of the screen. They must be encouraged to participate in outdoor

activities

, especially

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sports

ones. I fully

agree

Add the preposition

onagree

toagree

withagree

show examples

this

argument because

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

sports

activities

are countless,

while

mental and physical health are strictly correlated with movement.

Firstly

, physical condition is

straight

Rephrase

directly

show examples

correlated with human interaction.

Sports

activities

are a great opportunity to meet other people with the same interests. Team

sports

mainly, help people to get into a resolution easier which is a great skill for a future adult life.

Moreover

, movement requires endurance which

strengthen

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strengthens

show examples

the psychic. During their lifetime,

kids

can face a variety of problems and a strong mental condition can help them overcome difficulties more easily.

Secondly

sports

help

kids

to grow their muscles and bones. Childhood is a period of fast growth and without muscular support, back-spine problems can occur more easily. During that period of time, a lot of parents were concerned about

kids

who could develop irreversible spine curves.

Sports

, regardless of

type

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the type

show examples

it is,

practiced

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practised

show examples

right and under supervision, help young adults to maintain

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good posture during their lifetime. In conclusion, outdoor

activities

have multiple advantages during childhood and

kids

must be encouraged to practise them

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apply

show examples

because they can influence their condition for the rest of life.

Submitted by iftenevlad on Tue Sep 26 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

216 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. it would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while other consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and you opinion

In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?