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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. it would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #time #sports
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Nowadays, children spend too much time in front of the screen. They must be encouraged to participate in outdoor
activities
, especially
in
Change preposition
apply
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sports
 ones. I fully
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
 argument because
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
sports
activities
 are countless,
while
 mental and physical health are strictly correlated with movement.
Firstly
, physical condition is
straight
Rephrase
directly
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 correlated with human interaction.
Sports
activities
 are a great opportunity to meet other people with the same interests. Team
sports
 mainly, help people to get into a resolution easier which is a great skill for a future adult life.
Moreover
, movement requires endurance which
strengthen
Change the verb form
strengthens
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the psychic. During their lifetime,
kids
 can face a variety of problems and a strong mental condition can help them overcome difficulties more easily.
Secondly
,
sports
 help
kids
 to grow their muscles and bones. Childhood is a period of fast growth and without muscular support, back-spine problems can occur more easily. During that period of time, a lot of parents were concerned about
kids
 who could develop irreversible spine curves.
Sports
, regardless of
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 it is,
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
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 right and under supervision, help young adults to maintain
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good posture during their lifetime. In conclusion, outdoor
activities
 have multiple advantages during childhood and
kids
 must be encouraged to practise them
,
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apply
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 because they can influence their condition for the rest of life.
Submitted by iftenevlad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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