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Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Many
people
 think that in scientific study, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world,
information
 should be shared as much as possible.
On the contrary
, others say there is
information
that is
 so crucial that it has to be kept confidential. On the one hand, I agree that there is
information
 which
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be known by as many
people
 as possible,
such
 as results of past
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
, studies and experience.
Firstly
, with
already-provied
Correct your spelling
already-provided
already-provide
data
 in
scientific
Add an article
the scientific
a scientific
show examples
 field, researchers are able to discover new things
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and answer questions which used to be insoluble puzzles in the past.
Secondly
,
people
 can take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of these
data
.
For instance
, a man can use
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
 of other businessmen to run a company, a housewife can gain knowledge through the internet, and use them in daily life, to avoid the risk of
gas
Add an article
a gas
show examples
 explosion,
for example
.
Finally
, using experience and knowledge,
people
 have the ability to make the education system better and create a greater future for mankind.
On the other hand
, there is
information
that is
 too important to be released.
For example
, if
confidential
Correct article usage
the confidential
show examples
data
 of a company is leaked, its opponents may use it as a tool to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 difficulties for itself. There are
also
 scientific studies which are too shocking
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 may cause confusion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and fear among
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In addition
, these can cause a false image of an event, a subject, or even someone's life philosophy. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I believe that
information
 in
scientific
Add an article
the scientific
a scientific
show examples
 field, academy, and business should be widely known as much as possible, as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 life to be better,
however
, shocking
information
 and crucial
data
 should be kept confidential.
Submitted by Hiệu Nguyễn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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