People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people?

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Music

Use synonyms

has been an indispensable leisure activity throughout the history lifetime of all humankind civilization in the world. It plays an important role for each individual in daily life

due to

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its healing characteristics, boost creativity and unification.

Initially

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music

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was one of the most efficient types of leisure activity in daily life. Perhaps the foremost reason impetus people listen to

music

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is its melody therapy.

In particular

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, these songs help people reduce stress and anxiety in their pressure environment, stimulating relaxation by reducing the amount of cortisol. Medical experiments have indicated that the amount of cortisol is responsible for the extent of stress and worry in humans, which will diminish to half after listening to soft

music

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for 15 minutes. These reports have illustrated that melody could provoke a sense of happiness and comfort because of the amount secreted by dopamine and serotonin, which have been applied in depression treatment.

Additionally

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music

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can stimulate our imagination, promoting the development of both hemispheres in the brain and becoming a well-rounded person.

This

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imaginative capacity allows these learners to receive more priority from their recruiters if they graduated from one of these majors in their universities including marketing, graphics and architecture. Meanwhile, artists consider listening to

music

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as a source of inspiration and a way to stimulate their imagination.

For example

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, some artists have gotten their materials from some heroic war

music

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to provoke their historical time, remember previous memories and generate an

overall

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landscape of the war.

Lastly

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, it has mirrored an overview glimpse of a diverse range of traditional activities from daily life to some distinctive festivals with many types of emotions.

Although

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, the

music

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in each historical period brings a different shade a common point of these is

music

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has a unique ability to unite people across age, gender and social divides.

This

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special feature of

music

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helps

this

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community join hands to solve their common urgent issues,

such

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as fighting with invasion outliers.

To conclude

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, pieces of

music

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keep a never omitted position for each social status including the crowd, learners and the creative artists.

Furthermore

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this

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shows some crucial aspects of national and cultural identity.

Submitted by lenam2k1 on Wed Sep 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

While the introduction gives a good overview, the phrasing is a bit awkward. Consider rephrasing to improve clarity. For example, 'Music has been an indispensable leisure activity throughout the history of humankind.'

task achievement

There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'boost creativity and unification' should be 'boost creativity and foster unification.' Similarly, 'pressure environment' should be 'pressured environment.'

task achievement

Use more varied sentence structures. Currently, many sentences are complex, which can sometimes hinder readability. Intersperse with some shorter, simpler sentences for better balance.

task achievement

The essay effectively covers different aspects of why music is important, providing a comprehensive response to the task.

coherence cohesion

The logical flow of the essay is strong, with ideas presented in a coherent manner.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, such as references to dopamine and serotonin, and the role of music in creativity and relaxation, adds depth to your argument.

12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Some experts believe that school it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primaryrather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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