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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Demand for energy
resorces
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resources
 like
oil
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 and natural
gas
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 has increased significantly. As they are not renewable sources and are limited, countries are trying to find secluded places to find new sources of
oil
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 and
gas
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. There are both
advantages
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 and disadvantages to
this
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 search. I believe the disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
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 for several reasons. First of all, the advantage is that it can help with the country's economy. Right now, factories, cars, planes, ships and other transportation means mostly use
oil
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 and
gas
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. If they are scarce the prices will rise which will eventually increase the cost of shipping
hence
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 the price of the products. So, finding new sources in remote places can help the economic crisis.
For example
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, Middle Eastern countries, with their
oil
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 and
gas
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 reserves, can enjoy a higher standard of living
due to
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 lower material costs.
On the other hand
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, despite the
advantages
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, the primary disadvantage of extracting
oil
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 and
gas
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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untouched places is that they will cause significant environmental damage. As an example, the Antarctic region is home to many glaciers and animals like polar bears and penguins. Because
such
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 extraction would harm the habitats, and
in particular
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, any spillages would be disastrous to the environment. Not only
this
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, but other drawbacks are global warming and climate change. The excessive use of fossil fuels and
oil
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draw out
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apply
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leads to a rise in global temperatures. So, exploitation of the green regions and drilling of natural resources will directly threaten the whole earth.
To sum up
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,
although
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 the extraction of natural resources has a certain benefit, it
also
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 harms the ecosystem, which outweighs the
advantages
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.
Thus
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, in my opinion, humans should stop exploring undiscovered lands to
utilize
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fulfil
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 their needs, and it is better to seek alternatives like renewable energy.

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task achievement
Consider strengthening your argument with more specific examples and evidence to clearly illustrate your points. While your example of Middle Eastern countries is valid, additional data or scenarios can boost your argument.
coherence cohesion
Aim for slightly more varied sentence structures to enhance fluency and keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main argument is well-structured, addressing both advantages and disadvantages before arriving at a conclusion.
task achievement
Points are relevant to the topic and well thought out, showing a thorough understanding of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • fostering innovations
  • renewable energy sources
  • energy security
  • geopolitical tensions
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • infrastructure development
  • environmental risks
  • habitat destruction
  • irreversible damage
  • perpetuates dependence
  • transitioning
  • indigenous and local communities
  • ethical and social challenges
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