IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, it is true that
children
 spend most of their
time
 on their
smartphones
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why they are doing
this
 and I think it is a negative trend. One of the reasons why
children
 spend plenty of
time
 on their
smartphones
 is because there are various
activities
 related to the internet which attract them
such
 as
games
 or social media. 
This
 is because those online
activities
 are on trend, and they would like to be modern people who use modern technologies.
For example
, research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 80% of
children
 spend
time
 on their phone at least one hour per day on
games
 and social media
such
 like Tik Tok and online
games
 because they can talk to their friends in their schools about the latest trends or the level of them rank in online
games
. If they were in the top rank of the
games
, they would be able to have a good conversation about it with their friends.
This
 is a negative development because spending long hours on
smartphones
 gives disadvantages to
children
due to
 their inactive activity.
For instance
, 90% of
children
 who spend hours on their phones will sit inactively in their living rooms or even in their bedrooms.
This
 will make them inactive without body movement which might cause physical
health
 problems like heart problems or obesity. If they spend less
time
 on their phone and spend more on physical
activities
such
 as sports and meditation, their
health
 will develop well and far from
health
 problems. In conclusion, some
children
 spend hours every day on their
smartphones
 because there are a lot of
activities
 to do online and they would like to share their online experience with their friends. In my opinion, I think it is a negative development because
children
 will be inactive and their
health
 will decline.
Submitted by patinyajaithan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: