IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #today’s #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #parents’ #absence #reason
There is no denying the fact that nowadays, the most popular competition for
families
 is to go out to work.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that kids in these
families
 benefit from the extra income, there is
also
 an argument that they lack support because of their parent's absence.
This
 essay will analyze
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, having both
parents
 working can provide
families
 with additional income, which can lead to a better quality of life. The extra money can be used to provide better education, healthcare, and
overall
 well-being for the
children
.
Additionally
, working
parents
 serve as role models for their
children
, teaching them the value of hard work, ambition, and independence.
For example
, studies have shown that
children
 from dual-income
families
 often have better academic performance and are more likely to pursue higher education.
On the other hand
, the absence of
parents
due to
 work commitments can have negative effects on
children
. They may lack emotional support, guidance, and supervision, leading to feelings of loneliness and insecurity.
Moreover
, the long working hours of
parents
 can result in limited quality time spent together as a family, affecting the parent-child relationship.
For instance
, offspring may struggle with their studies or personal issues without the immediate support and guidance of their
parents
. In my opinion, there are no answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that both
parents
 should share their income to help each other financially and build their relationship with their
children
 to be more successful and comfortable.
Submitted by f9oli.hm on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt requirements by discussing both views on the topic in equal detail.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, but remember to link ideas within and between paragraphs to improve coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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