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Writing Samples
Band 5

some children spend long time on their phones. why?

#children #time #phones
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Nowadays,
children
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 have the right to decide to do some activities they want to do in their spare
time
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. Some
children
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 choose to spend long
hours
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 on their
smartphones
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. In
this
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 ,essay I will explain why they are doing
this
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 and I think
this
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 is a negative development. One of the reasons why
children
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 spend long
hours
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 of their
time
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 on
smartphones
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 is because they are addicted to its contents
such
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 as social media or online
games
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.
This
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 means that social media and online
games
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 are enjoyable to play and
also
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 relax them from their academic subjects
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school.
For example
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, from the research, 80% of
children
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 in Bangkok Secondary School spent
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average of 5
hours
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 on their phone on weekdays and 12
hours
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 on weekends in 2020 in order to reduce their stress from long
hours
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 studying in school. From students’
views
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,views
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 they believe that it is trendy to
looking
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look
show examples
on
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at
show examples
 their phone all the
time
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 mostly in public areas.
This
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 is a negative development because spending long
hours
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 daily on
smartphones
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 can make
children
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 suffer from physical health
such
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 as eye vision
problems
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 or heart
problems
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.
For instance
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, 60% of
children
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 who visited Bangkok Hospital in 2021, had
problems
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 with their eyes and 40% of them were overweight,
in addition
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 from the survey, it was revealed that they had hobbies
such
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 as browsing the internet or playing
games
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 on their phones. If
children
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 continue spending a lot of
time
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 on their phones every day, they will suffer from other health
problems
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 as well. So
smartphones
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 should be used in a limited period of
time
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 not only for
children
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, but
also
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 adults since it
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 some disadvantages to people who spend a lot of
time
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 on them. In conclusion, many of the young spend a long
time
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 on their phones because they are addicted to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
technology and the contents of social media and
games
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.
This
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 trend has a negative development since it can have a bad effect on
children
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’s health.
Submitted by patinyajaithan on

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