Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

There is no denying the fact that the global
fashion
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industry plays a crucial part in the global economy.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that
fashion
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has a considerable impact on individuals’ lives, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it.
This
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essay will discuss how global
fashion
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has become
such
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a huge tools on impacting people's lives and represent my prospective weither
this
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is a positive or negative development.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons of global
fashion
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effect.
Firstly
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, many people are using social media, which has a great influence on individuals' behaviour.
In other words
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, using social media,
such
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as Snapchat or Instagram, for watching and texting, would substantially impact people's buying habits.
In addition
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, watching and following a famous model and how he wears
such
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a well-known brand can affect his followers.
For example
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, if your modle wearing a specific brand, you will like to buy and wear as him.
On the other hand
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, most members of society using social media are of a younger age . It is
also
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possible to say that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
spend
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spends
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a huge amount of money on dresses, which would lead to a significant increase in family income expenditure.
Moreover
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, all benefits go to the rich members of society owning that brand.
For instance
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, recent studies have shown that rich man has a significantly higher income compared to their customers, resulting from the elevated revenue that they make from their brands. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. In my opinion, I believe that the disadvantages of
this
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development are huge compared to the advantages.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why world fashion is strong, and say more clearly why it is bad or good.
coherence and cohesion
Give one or two clear main ideas in each body part, then explain them more.
task response
Use examples that are more real and clear. Your examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
task response
Keep your opinion clear from the start and support it in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You talk about social media, which is a good and relevant reason for global fashion influence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • global
  • trend
  • fashion
  • style
  • fashionable
  • influencer
  • celebrity
  • brand
  • access
  • marketing
  • popular
  • worldwide
  • connect
  • showcase
  • event
  • clothing
  • culture
  • rise
  • buy
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