IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and violent crimes increases. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #increases #control #violence #society
It is believed that the death penalty is essential for wrongdoers because ordinary people find co-existence with criminals impossible,
although
, others claim that severe punishment is not justified. Personally, I think that everyone has a second chance,
thus
, criminals should not be sentenced to death.
Firstly
, we live in the twenty-first century, where any kind of murder is prohibited by the majority of countries
due to
 a humanitarian attitude towards all citizens, regardless of whether they are offenders or not.
In other words
, I believe that there are miscellaneous ways in which criminals may be punished
instead
 of killed and these penalties should be done
according to
 the severity of the crime that someone has committed.
For instance
, convicts who committed major crimes could be penalised by imprisonment for their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Consequently
, they would analyse their actions and behaviours and would become aware of the harm they caused to society.
Secondly
, not every offender breaks a certain law deliberately because there are some individuals with psychiatric disorders and they are not capable of controlling themselves.
Therefore
, these humans have to be sent to special centres, where they are able to get imperative medical treatment
while
 being isolated from other patients.
Nevertheless
, concerning those who committed a crime on purpose,
such
 strict measures as the death penalty should not be taken.
For example
, special programs should be implemented in order to help them reintegrate into society.
Hence
, with appropriate guidance offenders would not become recidivists and would do their best to make their own values and beliefs and be accepted by ordinary people. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the opinion, that states that every convict should serve capital punishment,
however
, other kinds of penalties should not be avoided because there is a huge chance of becoming recidivists if proper actions are neglected.
Submitted by karolinavash2552 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction presents a clear opinion on the statement and provides an overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Your conclusion should restate your opinion and summarize the main points. Additionally, make sure to address all parts of the question and support your arguments with specific examples and relevant details. Avoid repeating ideas and use a variety of sentence structures to create a well-organized and coherent essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. To further enhance this, aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear and logical progression of ideas with appropriate transitions. Avoid overly long sentences to maintain clarity and coherence in your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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