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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
In
this
 contemporary world, more and more
people
 have health problems because the producers add too much sugar to processed
food
 and drink. In order to prevent
people
 from dying to have the massive sugar, some
people
 think we should add more taxes on sugary
products
, so that the
price
 will be more expensive and
people
 will reduce buying
food
 with the high levels of sugar. Personally, I totally don’t agree with raising the
price
. In my opinion, the reason why
people
 consume so much high-sugar
food
 and drinks is
people
 are easier to get and cheaper to buy than fresh
food
 or zero-sugar nutriment, many
people
 would like to purchase unhealthy
food
. First of all, because processed
food
 is cheaper than healthy and fresh
food
 and the salary is too low or there are many
people
 in one family, they can’t spend too much money only on
food
 and drinks every day, they have no choice but to buy the processed
food
.
Hence
, the main problem is about the
price
 and I don’t think increasing the
price
 will be useful for
this
 complicated situation. Another reason is that the processed
food
 is more convenient to get. When walking on the road, most stores on the street sell more unhealthy
products
 than healthy ones even in the supermarkets.
Therefore
, the other way to solve the problem is to encourage the sellers to have more low-sugar goods in their stores. I think when
people
 see them in sight, they are willing to buy. In conclusion, I disagree that sugary
products
 are more expensive to reduce their quality. The more suitable ways are to lower the
price
 of the low-sugar rather than the high-sugar
products
 and sell them in as many shops as possible.
Submitted by Joanna on

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Try to add specific statistical or anecdotal evidence to better support your points. This will make your arguments more believable and coherent.
grammar
Watch your grammar and punctuation. There are several sentences that are difficult to read due to lack of punctuation or awkward phrasing.
clarity
Try to ensure that your ideas are clear and your points are well explained. Some paragraphs lacked clarity, especially the one discussing the affordability of healthy foods.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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