IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students now work while they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

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Many
students
Use synonyms
 are employed
besides
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 studying in educational institutions;
as a result
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, they do not have enough time to dedicate to their studies. The essay believes that
this
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 trend is caused by high tuition fees and expensive living costs in cities,
while
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 the solution can be the offer of various scholarships and stipends,
as well as
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 discounts. To start, there is a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of universities and colleges around the world,
however
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, the educational disparity
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
presents
Replace the word
present
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. Clearly, tuition fees are quite high and difficult to pay, especially in prestigious institutions. The problem makes
students
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 work, sometimes even at various jobs simultaneously in order to cover their
education
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 and living.
For instance
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, top universities in England offer opportunities to obtain degrees there for around 35.000-60.000 pounds per academic year.
Moreover
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, the statistics provided by University College London in 2024 showed that approximately 70% of
students
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 who were not offered scholarships got employed
while
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 studying there.
Nevertheless
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, the issue can be solved by proposing
both
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to both
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 local and international
students
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 some grants and discounts. Obviously, that will help them pay for
education
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 and save some time, which they can use
on learning
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to learn
show examples
 their syllabus. Many universities and even governments now apply that policy.
For example
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, Harvard University now offers government-funded
education
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 to
students
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 from low-income families. One more example
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 that the government of the Republic of Azerbaijan established the Student
Education
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 Loan Fund, which meets
education
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 payments of
students
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on
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at
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 all levels of higher
education
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 and gives
students
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 chances to concentrate on their
education
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 and repay a loan after 5 years.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is a common trend that
students
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 work and study at the same time to pay for
education
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, governments and academic establishments can solve the problem by implementing grants, stipends, and discounts or loans.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and mentions the main causes and solutions that will be discussed. You might consider slightly rephrasing the thesis statement for clarity; for example, stating that these challenges result from financial pressures. This would better reflect the depth of the analysis to come.
coherence and cohesion
There is good logical structure in your essay, with clear separation of paragraphs for causes and solutions. Be sure to use topic sentences effectively at the beginning of each paragraph to enhance cohesion. This helps readers anticipate the content of each section more easily.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples to support your arguments, ensure that they are sufficiently detailed and connected to your points. For instance, when discussing statistics, briefly explain their implications on student life. This would clarify how these elements support your main argument regarding students' financial pressures.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples such as the statistics from University College London and the mention of Harvard University's initiatives adds significant credibility to your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tuition fees
  • living expenses
  • financial burden
  • work experience
  • resume
  • job prospects
  • part-time job
  • financial independence
  • scholarships
  • financial aid
  • flexible study programs
  • online courses
  • internships
  • work-study programs
  • academic schedule
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