Some people think that increasing the price of fuel is the best way to solve growing environmental problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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I totally agree with
this
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statement about increasing the prices of fuel in order to avoid air pollution. Nowadays, it is a current version and exiting problem for the majority of people who worry about our future.
However
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, what can we do to solve
this
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issue in the near future? On the one hand, it is a correct decision, and pupils will start to buy ammunition in smaller quantities.
For instance
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, when I refuel the car, first of all, I look at the price;
moreover
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, it makes me wonder.
Also
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, we will choose more natural vehicles to save money, in consequence nation will decrease air pollution.
For example
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, when I ride a bike, I never spend my money.
In addition
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, choosing renewable fuel will reduce toxins in our environment.
On the other hand
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, raising the cost will lead to financial crises, which is very bad for every country and its people, too.As proof, every time
while
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growing the price of gas whole products are more expensive.
Likewise
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, it can be the reason for a War because inflation is difficulties for comfortable life.In the addendum,
while
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increasing significantly, the salary remains at the same level as in the past. In conclusion, if prices for gas grow, it will be a real challenge for everyone, with advantages and disadvantages. But most of these solve the problems with nature, pollution and the environment. Generally, the biggest part of positive ways show effectiveness of
this
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judgment. I am sure that in the future, many people will choose mechanical transport without using fuel.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say you agree, but later you also say there are many bad sides. Keep one clear line all through the essay.
task response
Add more direct ideas about why higher fuel cost helps the environment. Explain how it cuts car use, traffic, and dirty air.
task response
Use better examples. Some examples are too personal or not fully clear, like your bike example. Give simple real-world examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main point. Now some points in one paragraph do not fully match each other.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph so the reader can follow your plan easily.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion in the introduction.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which shows you can see the issue from more than one side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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