In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays, a lot of
people
are eating junk food
and this
is a very problem because it increases the diseases above all
on the earth.
Fortunately, in my view, there are some ways we can deal with this
problem like improving physical activities, eating healthy food
and changing bad habits. According to
some news, in some ,countries the average weight of people
is increasing and this
is causing problems. In this
essay, I will explain how can solve this
and what are the causes of the problems.
For instance
, in almost all the states there are a huge number of fast food
where people
always eat. One time, this
only happened in America but with , the technology it has started to spread also
to Europe.
On the other hand
, it’s our fault because we decide what to eat, but sadly it is due to
our busy life. There are some possible solutions, in my ,opinion that can be done to prevent society from becoming unfit.
Firstly
, physical activities should be improved among employees who work for a long time. For instance
, companies should give time to their staff to exercise. Furthermore
, regular exercise plans can increase significantly their level of health and fitness.
Secondly
, a healthy diet is the key to being fit. If people
want to improve their health, they should eat home-cooked food
without fat. In conclusion, there are two main reasons related to raising a person’s weight including having unhealthy foods and a few body movements.
Happy to say, that people
can change their attitudes and become better, this
requires some efforts like improving their body acts and having nutritious meals.Submitted by afiorentino404346 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Try to organize your thoughts and arguments in a more coherent manner. Present your points clearly, provide appropriate backing, and follow a logical order.
coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Your points seem to lack sufficient evidence or examples to back them up. You make broad statements without explaining them further or providing enough detail.
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Try to develop your ideas more fully. Even though the main points of your argument are clear, details, relevant examples, and a coherent structure will make your ideas more comprehensive and persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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