In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays, a lot of
people
are eating junk Use synonyms
food
and Use synonyms
this
is a very problem because it increases the diseases Linking Words
above all
on the earth.
Fortunately, in my view, there are some ways we can deal with Linking Words
this
problem like improving physical activities, eating healthy Linking Words
food
and changing bad habits. Use synonyms
According to
some news, in some ,countries the average weight of Linking Words
people
is increasing and Use synonyms
this
is causing problems. In Linking Words
this
essay, I will explain how can solve Linking Words
this
and what are the causes of the problems.
Linking Words
For instance
, in almost all the states there are a huge number of fast Linking Words
food
where Use synonyms
people
always eat. One time, Use synonyms
this
only happened in America but with , the technology it has started to spread Linking Words
also
to Europe.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, it’s our fault because we decide what to eat, but sadly it is Linking Words
due to
our busy life. There are some possible solutions, in my ,opinion that can be done to prevent society from becoming unfit.
Linking Words
Firstly
, physical activities should be improved among employees who work for a long time. Linking Words
For instance
, companies should give time to their staff to exercise. Linking Words
Furthermore
, regular exercise plans can increase significantly their level of health and fitness.
Linking Words
Secondly
, a healthy diet is the key to being fit. If Linking Words
people
want to improve their health, they should eat home-cooked Use synonyms
food
without fat. In conclusion, there are two main reasons related to raising a person’s weight including having unhealthy foods and a few body movements.
Happy to say, that Use synonyms
people
can change their attitudes and become better, Use synonyms
this
requires some efforts like improving their body acts and having nutritious meals.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Try to organize your thoughts and arguments in a more coherent manner. Present your points clearly, provide appropriate backing, and follow a logical order.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion, they are not succinct and clear in presenting and summarizing your arguments. The introduction should provide a clear overview of what the essay will discuss, while the conclusion should wrap up your points neatly.
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Your points seem to lack sufficient evidence or examples to back them up. You make broad statements without explaining them further or providing enough detail.
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Try to develop your ideas more fully. Even though the main points of your argument are clear, details, relevant examples, and a coherent structure will make your ideas more comprehensive and persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.