Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefits from this, while other consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days, many families migrate to different
countries
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, and some people believe that
migration
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to different
countries
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is not suitable for
children
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. I personally believe that
although
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migration
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to foreign
countries
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affects the health of
children
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due to
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new
weather
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conditions,
children
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ultimately benefit from
migration
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because they find a better
environment
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to grow.
Children
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who
move
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to a foreign
country
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deal with new
weather
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conditions. The
weather
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of
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in
show examples
a foreign
country
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is completely different from their native
countries
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. Many families migrate from a hot and humid
country
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to a cold
country
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. At a young age,
children
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cannot tolerate extremely cold
weather
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, and suffer from various diseases.
For example
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, many families
move
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to Canada every year from Bangladesh, and
children
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mainly suffer from fever and cold symptoms after
migration
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.
However
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, I believe that
children
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are naturally adaptive to new environments, and they get used to it after two or three years.
However
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, moving to a foreign
country
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is beneficial for
children
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because they get a better learning
environment
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. The education system of a foreign
country
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is better than the native
countries
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of the
children
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. They have an advanced school curriculum and highly qualified teachers.
Children
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learn and thrive in
this
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better
environment
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, and become prepared for the
future
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.
For example
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,
children
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who
move
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to a foreign
country
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get better jobs in their
future
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professional careers than those who do not
move
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that moving to a foreign
country
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is beneficial because it helps
children
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to shine in the
future
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. In conclusion, moving to a foreign
country
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is challenging because
children
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suffer from numerous diseases
due to
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new
weather
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conditions.
However
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, moving to a foreign
country
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is beneficial for
children
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ultimately because they get a better learning
environment
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to learn, and become better professionals in the
future
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate slightly more on each viewpoint discussed to ensure a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
While your logical structure is strong, enhancing paragraph transitions will lead to even smoother cohesion.
task achievement
You provided clear examples, especially in explaining how children adapt to new environments and the benefits they receive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which encapsulates the main points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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