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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #calgary
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The presented line graph demonstrates the earnings of three various bakeries in one specific place,Calgary for ten
years
Use synonyms
 starting from 2000. To commence,the first thing that can be observed is Amandine Bakery have remained stable figures for five
years
Use synonyms
 starting from 2010 and the yearly income that
this
Linking Words
 bakery had was below 60000$.After 2005 there is not a considerable change till 2007. After that there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a rise in just a year after that in 2010 the figures
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
peeked.It can be said that Amandine bakery
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 remained the same for a long time
However
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
 it has
the
Add a missing verb
had the
show examples
 highest earnings among
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
bakereries
Correct your spelling
bakeries
.Mari bakeshop
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started with the highest income, which was 80000$.There
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 some slight increases
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the
years
Use synonyms
.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,in 2009 the earnings
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped to 40000$ and remained the same till 2010. Bolo Cakery started with the lowest income, which is 20000$.Till 2003 there are not any dramatic differences.Between 2030 and 2006 the incomes have stayed still after 2007 there is a
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 and Bolo cakery
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 outnumbered Mari bakeshop.
Submitted by aylin.ozyurt on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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