IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible. Others believe that some information is too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #information
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The issue of sharing
information
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 has been controversial. Some
people
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 believe it is good to share as much as they can,
whereas
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 I completely agree with those who think that it is too valuable to be shared freely. On the one hand, free
information
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 can help a large number of
people
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. One of the most important reasons is that sharing data brings an abundance of multi-community since
people
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 in the home country will have a chance to get exposure to a variety of solutions from diversity which is beneficial to them when they are introduced to the opportunities.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the latest research conducted by students from Bangkok University, it revealed that it
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
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 easier for 80% of
people
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 in Thailand to receive
information
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 without payment when they need vital help.
This
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 demonstrates that the free sharing of
information
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 plays a major role in addressing
this
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 issue which eventually will benefit the nation.
On the other hand
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, some
information
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 is too valuable to be shared freely. The most significant reason is that getting
information
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 comes
along with
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 a plethora of high costs.
This
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 is because it is an undeniable fact that how to get quality data
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to invest money in surveys and experiments. To illustrate
this
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, in recent news, it has been reported that the Japanese spend a lot of money to create AI software to develop some programs which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 useful for world citizens. I agree with
this
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 point as it is reasonable to get quality data with
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 money. In conclusion, having considered both sides of
this
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 topic,
although
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 free
information
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 can help a large number of
people
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, I agree with those who think that some
information
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 is too valuable to be shared freely
Submitted by chuangyaem on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion. This helps set the stage for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Enhance the discussion by elaborating on how valuable information impacts society and individuals specifically. More detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Conclude with a summary of both views and reinforce your position by reiterating the key points discussed.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, fulfilling the requirements of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained, making the argument easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to support the points, which helps in clarifying your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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