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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types ofrelationships people make?Has this become a positive or negative development.

#people #technology #ofrelationships #become #development
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It is considered by Some that the way of communication between people has changed these days
due to
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 the advent of
technology
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.
However
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, I believe that it has benefited us in many ways, I certainly agree that it has reduced the depth of personal relationships and in-person chats with people.
Firstly
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, In the early 21st century, when we didn't rely much on
technology
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, we had ample time to spend with our close ones
such
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 as friends and, family with whom we shared our happiness, sorrows and, experiences.
However
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, these days, preferred advice is offered online with the assistance of our popular search engine "Google" so we don't have to indulge ourselves in sharing with our close ones.
Moreover
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, these days, teenagers are way too involved in social platforms
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram and, TikTok which has isolated them from the common world and they are enjoying their own time with
such
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 media.
secondly
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, when we think about the benefits of
technology
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, it has played a crucial role in exploring our knowledge of diverse cultures and languages spoken throughout the world.
In addition
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, it has assisted in meeting people from various countries without worrying about geographical boundaries.
Furthermore
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, it has brought immense benefits in our day-to-day life concerning transportation, hospitalisation and, education.
As a result
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,
such
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 developments have contributed a great value to GDP. In conclusion,
although
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technology
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 has brought great value to our lives, I would say that it has created a communication gap among ourselves that made us forget about our ethical and moral values. So, in my opinion, certainly the negatives outweigh the positives.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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structure
Ensure that your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. Introduction and conclusion seemed present, however they could be more clearly defined.
punctuation
Pay attention to capitalization rules. For example, words at the beginning of a sentence and pronouns like 'Some' should start with a capital letter.
argument
Your essay should contain a logical argument throughout. Argumentative coherence could be improved.
relevance
Ensure all your examples and points made are relevant and support your main argument. Some points seemed slightly off-topic.
language
Keep your language formal and avoid informal terms like 'way too involved' which diminish the value of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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