IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that we should not be so dependent on computers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers
Some people suggest that the trend of wide usage of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be discouraged based on various drawbacks caused, I could partially agree with
such
 opinions since the merits of using modern technologies should not be overlooked. On the one hand, the opponents
are argue
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that high dependence on
computers
 could
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the younger generation regarding their capacity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 problem-solving since youth
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tend to
searching
Wrong verb form
search for
show examples
answer
Correct subject-verb agreement
answers
show examples
 directly on the internet
instead
 of discussing with peers or collecting information from different
materious
Correct your spelling
materials
.
Moreover
,
comandary
Correct word choice
the compulsory
show examples
 use of typing for note taking could lead to the lack of practice in handwriting,
for instance
, many university students in Taiwan nowadays are unable to write words correctly because they are used to typing on electrical devices.
On the other hand
, in my perspective, the influence of
computers
 in societies will continue to grow in the future since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 play essential roles in many aspects. First of all, it
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
 the efficiency
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 communication around the world. Employees nowadays
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 receive
responds
Replace the word
responses
show examples
 from parties in different regions in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
, which stimulates globalization.
Secondly
, it allows humans
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on solving crucial problems and leave repetitive tasks to modern technologies.
For example
,
computers
 are largely being used for calculation and data organisation, saving more time for researchers to make progress for their subjects. To summarize, I can only partially agree with the suggestions that individuals should reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
dependent
Replace the word
dependence
show examples
 on
computers
due to
 several drawbacks in the younger generation, considering that
computers
 play crucial roles
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
prompt
Verb problem
promoting
show examples
 a convenient and efficient society.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: