IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some imformation is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world #belive #imformation
Nowadays, we are living in a world very complex because there is a huge number of
information
 and it is difficult to understand things. Some
people
 believe that it is good to share
information
 in scientific research, business and so on
while
 others believe that all must be free and shared online. In
this
 essay, I will explain both the statements and I will give my points of view.
On the other hand
, I believe
that is
 necessary to have free
information
 for many reasons first you can read anything and
this
 permits you to improve your knowledge.
Second,
technologies could help the companies to reduce the price of books.
For instance
, on TV you can find many free programs which help
people
 discover new things
such
 as cookery shows or documentaries. In my opinion, Universities can’t share free
information
 because they invest a lot of money and time to write and publicise the news.
Furthermore
, some publications in the academic world are very complex and the majority of
people
 don’t understand the topic I believe that it’s normal pay to read
this
information
.
In addition
, the governments every year invest a large sum of money to permit
people
 to buy books and other things because knowledge must be free and accessible to all.
However
, it is better to have
people
 with a huge knowledge than stupid
people
.
To sum up
, I believe the
information
 could be published or not depending on the research purpose.
People
 should give
information
 if it is for human well-being reasons.
While
 they keep secret the
information
 if it is for business.
Submitted by afiorentino404346 on

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task
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of sharing information in scientific research, business, and academic world. However, it lacks a clear stance and does not thoroughly explore both sides of the argument.
cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates some organization and coherence, but the logical structure is somewhat unclear, and the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit.
lexical
Lexical Resource: The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey meaning, but there is room for improvement in using more varied and precise vocabulary.
grammar
Grammatical Range: The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence structure, word choice, and agreement that affect the overall clarity and precision of expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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