IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#people #children #life #outweigh
In recent years, a noticeable shift in family planning has emerged and many people prefer to have
children
 at their later stage in life. Several reasons are responsible for
this
, and I believe that it has more consequences.
Firstly
, couples want to spend quality time together before having their first child.
This
 is because they can enjoy their life with each other, and be able to know one another. In
this
 way, mutual understanding becomes stronger, and enjoy the time they spend with their young ones.
For example
, research studies have shown that couples who spend more time together understanding each other can later take good care of their babies and there is
also
 less chance of divorce rate after having
children
 birth.
Secondly
, people choose to concentrate on their careers first and
then
 have babies it is because they can take better care of their juveniles.
Additionally
, they think having
children
 can escalate the expenditures and financial responsibilities of parents.
Therefore
, they achieve a stable financial position before starting the family
as a result
this
 can enable parents to give better education and lifestyle to their
children
.
For instance
, parents would be capable of enrolling their juveniles in schools where they get quality education and learn co-circular activities, which are not available in all schools.
However
, the drawbacks can not be underestimated. The main problem caused by giving birth later is related to the fertility of both genders. After a certain age, sometimes their fertility rate starts decreasing,
due to
 which they face difficulties in conceiving babies, and pregnant women require special care. To exemplify, studies show that
children
 who are born in later years are often born with some abnormalities, either in terms of physical or mental.
Thus
, they face problems to survive in
this
 world. In conclusion,
although
 there are various merits of giving birth to a baby, a single disadvantage is more dangerous for both mother and child as they are sometimes prone to death.
Submitted by sreyakaruturi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks clear organization and development of ideas. The main points are not thoroughly supported and the examples are not clearly relevant to the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and do not effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay. The essay lacks cohesion and coherence in connecting the ideas and presenting a clear logical structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: