A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter • describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts • say how you think the company should spend the money

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children’s #sports #team #two #years #air #concerts #feedback #summarise

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing

this

letter to express my opinion regarding your business' proposal to invest in our local community.

Firstly

, the main merit of financing the children's sports group for two years is that most players come from low-income families, some of whom can not keep on paying for their kid's sports expenses. Another reason is that if your company decides to help them, they will be able to keep on training regularly to win the Town's Soccer Tournament Award

this

year.

On the other hand

, the biggest benefit of sponsoring two outdoor musical concerts in the neighbourhood is that people have not had the opportunity to go to a local entertainment event since 2008's folk music festival.

Moreover

, it would

also

be beneficial to cheer everyone's spirits up after the flood catastrophe we had

last

Christmas. In my opinion, it would be best if your company provided one year of financial support to the children's sports team,

as well as

, sponsoring one outdoor musical event for the population.

This

way, everyone would be happy as people would be able to enjoy both activities. Thank you for your kindness within our community and I look forward to your final decision. Yours faithfully, Amanda Lago

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Fri Mar 22 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a clear introduction of your letter’s purpose at the beginning to enhance task achievement.

coherence cohesion

While your letter has a good structure, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., besides, consequently) to link ideas more effectively.

task achievement

To further improve task response, clarify your conclusion by directly stating your recommendation rather than suggesting a compromise. This will make your position more explicit.

general

Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to further enrich your writing.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

208 words

8.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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