A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter • describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts • say how you think the company should spend the money

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
letter to express my opinion regarding your business' proposal to invest in our local community.
Firstly
, the main merit of financing the children's sports group for two years is that most players come from low-income families, some of whom can not keep on paying for their kid's sports expenses. Another reason is that if your company decides to help them, they will be able to keep on training regularly to win the Town's Soccer Tournament Award
this
year.
On the other hand
, the biggest benefit of sponsoring two outdoor musical concerts in the neighbourhood is that people have not had the opportunity to go to a local entertainment event since 2008's folk music festival.
Moreover
, it would
also
be beneficial to cheer everyone's spirits up after the flood catastrophe we had
last
Christmas. In my opinion, it would be best if your company provided one year of financial support to the children's sports team,
as well as
, sponsoring one outdoor musical event for the population.
This
way, everyone would be happy as people would be able to enjoy both activities. Thank you for your kindness within our community and I look forward to your final decision. Yours faithfully, Amanda Lago
Submitted by amandacflago23 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction of your letter’s purpose at the beginning to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
While your letter has a good structure, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., besides, consequently) to link ideas more effectively.
task achievement
To further improve task response, clarify your conclusion by directly stating your recommendation rather than suggesting a compromise. This will make your position more explicit.
general
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to further enrich your writing.
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