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Band 5.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do vou agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language #vou
Living in a country that uses a
language
 other than own one, can develop both social and practical issues among people. I completely agree with the given statement and here I will explain it in a more detailed manner.
Firstly
, it's a challenge to live in a foreign state where use a different
language
 other than my mother tongue. Actually,
language
 is the very first and foremost platform to connect with others. People can understand, be aware and may be able to judge someone
according to
 their speaking pattern and behaviour. If someone misuses a
language
, it will be a horrible matter as the listener can develop a different idea than said. These types of matters may lead to war
as well as
 legal matters. As an
,
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example there was a lady from Thailand in my working place and she was not fluent not only in Sinhala but
also
 in English.
Therefore
, She faced many conflicts and ,
,
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finally
Add a comma
,finally
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 she gave up her career
due to
 the
language
 barrier.
Secondly
, misuse of the
language
 can lead to damage to trustworthiness among states
Rephrase
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also
. If someone uses a phrase, idiom or anything without proper understanding of the usage, listeners may guide them to serious questions. Around two years back, there was a Sri Lankan hard worker in a Pakistan company for more than a number of years. But,
this
 person had passed a message among co-workers and ,
,
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unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
,unfortunately
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 most of them got it in an inappropriate way.
This
 issue led to a greater matter and the guy had to give up his life
finally
. His buddies hit him in immoral ways until his death.
This
 case spread internationally
also
.
To Sum up
,
language
 is one main path to interacting with people and living in a country where speaking unfamiliar will be really a challenge. I agree with the given statement completely.
Submitted by laksrijayashan on

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Grammar
You need to improve the structure of your sentence. Some phrases were confusing and had to be read twice to understand.
Punctuation
Avoid using multiple punctuation marks,, such as double commas.
Lexical Resource
Improve your vocabulary to avoid word repetition such as 'language', 'lead', 'matter'. You can use synonyms instead.
Content
Ensure the examples provided are relevant and realistic. The second example you provided is quite extreme and may not be credible

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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