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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005.

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005.
#maps #show #changes #place #youngsville #zealand #year #period
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The map depicts changes that happened in Youngsville in New Zealand over a
twenty five
Add a hyphen
twenty-five
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 year period between 1980 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that in the past
city
Correct article usage
the city
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obtained
Verb problem
had
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 a lack of facilities.
However
Linking Words
, after 25 years it enlarged and became modernized with more places.
To begin
Linking Words
 with park, it was extended which is situated on the north-west side of the city.
Therefore
Linking Words
, near
lake
Correct article usage
the lake
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 introduced more facilities ,
such
Linking Words
 as
boat
Fix the agreement mistake
boats
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 and golf. Another striking change was on the north-east side of the map where houses were removed
instead
Linking Words
 of
stadium
Add an article
the stadium
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 .
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
second
Correct article usage
a second
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 parking was constructed near the stadium.
However
Linking Words
,
railway
Add an article
the railway
a railway
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 station was finished and called Marina.
Moreover
Linking Words
, on the south of the city factories were erected
instead
Linking Words
 of trees. In terms of trees and houses on the east-south of the map, they were demolished and skyscrapers were introduced. With regards to
warehouse
Add an article
the warehouse
a warehouse
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, it
built
Add a missing verb
was built
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instead
Linking Words
 of trees and others.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, instead".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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