IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #world #life
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Blessings if
describes
Wrong verb form
described
show examples
in other words
Linking Words
 are the elderly persons living with a family. With the torrid pace of
time
Add a comma
,time
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 the assertion of some people is that growing each day towards seniority has bad circumstances
whereas
Linking Words
 others do believe that with the passage of
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it has now changed in
positive
Change the article
a positive
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 manner. I strongly
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that the future
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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now
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 conditions for
seniors
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will
be
Change the verb form
be further discussed
show examples
further
Linking Words
 discuss in
essay
Add an article
the essay
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 below Admittedly, the past has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
stories
Correct the article-noun agreement
story
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 about the elder’s experiences as they consider the burden on
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 to some extent because of each passing day the health issues with
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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contrary
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 level to generate income by doing job or business decreases.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the weak government
policies
Use synonyms
 by neglecting the benefits for senior persons
put
Verb problem
had
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 a drastic impact on
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
show examples
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the lifestyle needs modification with the period of change.
Whereas
Linking Words
 now
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seniors
Use synonyms
 make effective decisions by experiencing drawbacks from the past and invest in insurance
policies
Use synonyms
 that
shields
Change the verb form
shield
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 their future in terms of medical burden, in real estate and other businesses side by side.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they utilize their experiences by starting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consultancy firms,
actively
Correct word choice
and actively
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participate
Wrong verb form
participating
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 in social
NGO’s
Change noun form
NGOs
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 by investing their leisure time
promoting
Change preposition
in promoting
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 gardening.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the role of
seniors
Use synonyms
 is just like a shelter and their life experiences
matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
 a lot to juniors.
Also
Linking Words
, the governments of many countries have modified the
policies
Use synonyms
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of senior citizens. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a nutshell, I pen down by saying that the future of
seniors
Use synonyms
 is now more secure than past because of modifications in government
policies
Use synonyms
 and the change of mentality.
Submitted by helma.devina on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
What to do next:
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