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Band 7

Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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A large number of nations evolve the standard of living by development of
economy
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although
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 under no circumstances would the prospect of the loss of social values be overlooked. I firmly believe that the benefits of
this
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 notion are superior to its drawbacks since it makes the financial status stable among
people
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 and launches them on the path of a healthy mind.
However
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, it may deteriorate and break
relationships
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 between individuals. There are several remarkable advantages to
this
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 trend.
Initially
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, It is a healthy and stable
economy
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 which enables
people
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 to accommodate their daily demands and cover their
life
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 expenses undeniably.
This
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 means, the more
people
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 experience a flagging
economy
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, the more they have an opportunity to purchase whatever they need. If
people
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 live in a developed area, which involves an unparalleled
economy
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, they are open to experiencing a high standard of living. What is more, a stable
economy
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 results in a healthy mind.
That is
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 to say, what brings stress and anxiety are financial challenges irrefutably. Only when poverty and economic crisis are alleviated would not
people
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 feel anxious about daily expenses.
For instance
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, someone who can not attend a well-paid job is prone to face many financial issues in
life
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.These problems bring many mental disorders like depression and anxiety.
Thus
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, mental health and a developed
economy
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 are two interrelated and integrated options. Despite the healthier mindset and better
life
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 standard, it is likely to break
people
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’s rewarding
relationships
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.
In other words
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, in a case where
people
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 are financially independent and there is no financial problem in their
life
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, they would not tend to interact with others.
This
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 approach seems to have long-term repercussions when it comes to human
relationships
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.
For example
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, an enhanced
economy
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 would lead
people
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 to work remotely and not go to workplaces for better income.
This
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 phenomenon fosters less communication with colleagues and results in a damaged relationship between them.
However
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, thanks to the development of technology, they can create phone calls in order to maintain their
relationships
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.
To sum up
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, whether economic development contains more advantages than disadvantages is a controversial theory. I strongly assume that
although
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 it might damage human
relationships
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, it develops the standard of daily needs and brings a healthy mind.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive and balanced argument by considering and addressing counterarguments effectively. Ensure that each paragraph is logically structured and linked to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effectively linked to the main body of the essay. Ensure that the thesis and main points are clearly stated and developed throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition. Ensure that all vocabulary used is appropriate to the context.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a more accurate and varied use of complex grammatical structures and sentence types. Be cautious of sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasings and errors in subject-verb agreement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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