IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many countries invest heavily in major
sports
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 competitions, which has sparked debate over whether governments should redirect these funds to encourage
children
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 to take up
sports
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will argue that it is worthwhile to sponsor youth
sports
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 and give some suggestions. Encouraging
children
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 to engage in
sports
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 early brings significant advantages. Primarily,
this
Linking Words
 initiative fosters lifelong healthy habits and improves public health.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
children
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 start exercising at a young age, they will be naturally accustomed to it, and sufficient and consistent exercise may prevent individuals from illnesses
such
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 as heart disease, hypertension, and obesity
in particular
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.
In addition
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, when more citizens have healthy habits, it potentially reduces stress on the healthcare system
while
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 saving the individual's medical costs.
Additionally
Linking Words
, youth
sports
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programs
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 promote social equality by making physical activity accessible to all income groups, unlike elite training
programs
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, which often demand financial resources. Mass participation in diverse
sports
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 would enhance their societal recognition and development. To effectively promote youth
sports
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, governments and communities should implement practical strategies, including school-based
programs
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, public campaigns, and incentive systems. To achieve
this
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, governments could modify empty areas into public parks and add amenities. Meanwhile, communities regularly organize campaigns to persuade citizens to take part in
sports
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.
Furthermore
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, educational institutions could offer free
sports
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programs
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 and introduce non-traditional
sports
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 like climbing to stimulate students' interests.
For instance
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, schools could revise the curriculum to increase the compulsory physical class hours. In conclusion,
while
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 major competitions have symbolic value, I do believe that redirecting resources to
children
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's
sports
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 ensures sustainable benefits for society and individuals.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a stronger thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your main argument about the importance of youth sports.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to include clearer transition words between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' can help with this.
Task Achievement
Add one or two real-world examples or data to support your points. This would make your argument more convincing.
Content
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of investing in youth sports, backed by solid reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs discussing each main point.
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