IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
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Medical care is an essential part of public services; several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 service should be provided free of charge by the
government
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others think differently; they believe that
this
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 service is
people
Use synonyms
's responsibility and they should pay for it. From my perspective, I partly agree with that. I support that every rose has its thorns, so I believe that there are individual differences whether in poor or developing nations, and the
government
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 should play
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 vital role in
this
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 situation
while
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 on the other side, it should be equity among
people
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.
This
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 essay will exhibit the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon. On the one hand, the lack of
money
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 for providing Medicare has several side effects.
In other words
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, many
people
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 are suffering
due to
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 their financial situation, and sometimes it leads to death.
Additionally
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, those
countries
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 that cannot afford their treatment are certainly living in an epidemic environment. Take South Africa as an example;
people
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 there are suffering from the lack of treatment since there is no
money
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 to provide them;
as a result
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, the phenomenon of premature death has been widespread in these areas.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 should play an important role in distributing equity among
people
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that the
government
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 should deal on a case-by-case basis, without any distinguishing. In any case, some governments have a responsibility to improve their
countries
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; in
this
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 case, they are indeed needing
money
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instead
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 of wasting it on
people
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 who can pay for Medicare.
For example
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, some
countries
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,
such
Linking Words
 as the United States, are not poor
countries
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, and many
people
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 can pay for their treatments to benefit from
this
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 amount of
money
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 on something they need. In conclusion, the
government
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 should deal on a case-by-case basis, without any distinguishing,
while
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 it should pay the medical care for
people
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 who are really in need of
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to enhance your points. This could help in making your argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Some parts can be slightly reordered for more impactful cohesion.
task achievement
You have included both viewpoints in your response, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, guiding the reader well through your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • financial distress
  • healthcare inequalities
  • preventive care
  • medical check-ups
  • healthcare system
  • government budgets
  • economic stability
  • quality of care
  • overburdened healthcare facilities
  • efficient management
  • sustainability
  • wastage of resources
What to do next:
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