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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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Methods of educating
children
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 are always hot topics which are discussed by either experts or normal
parents
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. There is a popular method taught
children
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according to
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 the condition-achievement structure. That means when
children
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 make enough
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, they are given everything they want. Of course, anything has two sides, so
this
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 essay will analyze them in detail.
Firstly
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,
this
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 method’s benefits seem limitless. It encourages
children
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 to try their best and do everything bravely.
Secondly
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, they are made to understand that they have to work to attain what they like, not just shout and cry.
Thirdly
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,
parents
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 can use
this
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 way to get
children
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 to do something voluntarily
such
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 as eating a healthy dish which they hate, having medicine, etc.
Nevertheless
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, no one can deny its drawbacks when people overuse it. One of the biggest consequences is that
children
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 will only do if there is a prize, they will not even help
parents
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 or practice charity but only care about achievements.
Furthermore
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, they will gradually demand things beyond what their
parents
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’ conditions allow and become a greedy child. In conclusion,
parents
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 are absolutely able to apply
this
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 good method in educating
children
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. But they must observe carefully its results,
avoid
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and avoid
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 overusing
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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to
Change preposition
so
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not
Correct word choice
as not
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 to have unwanted effects.
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Development of Ideas
Ensure a more balanced development of ideas across both advantages and disadvantages, possibly by providing more specific examples or elaborating further on each point.
Use of Examples
Including varied and specific examples to support your points can enhance the essay's argument and make your ideas more persuasive.
Coherence
Consider adding transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance flow and reader comprehension.
Introduction
Effective introduction of the topic and clear presentation of the essay's aims.
Structure
Well-structured argument with a coherent flow of ideas through paragraphs.
Content
A balanced view on the topic, with both advantages and disadvantages discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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