IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?

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With the development of society, a good living standard has been provided for most people in the world.
Nevertheless
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, there are still regions in
poverty
Use synonyms
 in the world. So, the attention to international entertainers has been raised as they are a high-income group. But, considering legitimacy and the development of international communities, I believe that their huge earnings should not be justified.
Firstly
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, the fact that
poverty
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 in the world is not associated with the income of international celebrities indicates that they have the right to earn high salaries. To be more specific,
poverty
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 in different regions is caused by various factors.
For example
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,
poverty
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 in China is left by historical, cultural and social elements.
Furthermore
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, the high profits of famous people are from their work,
such
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 as songs, movies and performances in international competitions, and do not cost the expenses of others.
Therefore
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, their high wages should be not criticized
due to
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 the indirect link between the two issues.
Secondly
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, the great earnings of international entertainers should not be criticized as they can give a hand to eliminating
poverty
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.
In other words
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, when making huge profits, they are obligated to pay huge taxes, which can be used as a financial resource to help the development of areas which are poor.
For example
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, the money from taxes can be allocated to building basic infrastructures,
such
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 as electricity and water stations, which are the pillar forces for
poverty
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 elimination.
As a result
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, for the contribution they make, their high financial income should not be justified. In conclusion, the solution to
poverty
Use synonyms
 requires corresponding governance based on different reasons in different regions, and high-income groups cannot be criticized based on the gap between rich and poor.

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Content
The essay tends to stray away from the topic a bit. It is essential to ensure that the arguments made directly address the task prompt.
Examples
There should be clearer examples on how famous individuals' income has a direct impact on poverty, especially on a global scale.
Cohesion
Try to include more varied cohesive devices and conjunctions to improve your coherence and cohesion score.
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