Some people think that children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think that they can put pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
should join
activities
Use synonyms
after school to develop important life skills. Others argue that these
activities
Use synonyms
may stress
children
Use synonyms
and affect their studies. In my opinion, I believe extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
are useful, but they should be well-balanced with schoolwork. On the one hand, many parents and teachers say that extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
help
children
Use synonyms
become more social.
In other words
Linking Words
, they learn how to speak clearly, work in teams, and solve problems together.
For example
Linking Words
, when a child joins a football team or a drama club, they practise communication and teamwork.
Also
Linking Words
, these
activities
Use synonyms
give
children
Use synonyms
a better way to spend their free time.
Instead
Linking Words
of watching TV or using the phone all day, they can do something useful that helps them grow and avoid bad habits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think these
activities
Use synonyms
can bring pressure. One reason is that students may not have enough time to finish homework, especially if they return home late.
That is
Linking Words
to say, school performance may get worse.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child who trains every day may feel tired and cannot study well. Another problem is that too many
activities
Use synonyms
can lead to poor rest and stress. When
children
Use synonyms
don’t sleep enough, they may feel tired and lose interest in learning. In conclusion, even though some people worry about the pressure, I believe
children
Use synonyms
can gain a lot from after-school
activities
Use synonyms
if they are done in a balanced way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which is great. However, consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are well-structured, try to use more linking phrases to improve the flow of your argument. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You provided good examples to support your points, but you might want to consider adding a few more specific instances or scenarios to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You've successfully discussed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view. This is impressive and demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied and appropriate, which enhances the overall quality of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: