The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely known that the modern education system is very important and everyone has to spend several years in facilities,
such
as schools and universities.
Nevertheless
, some people consider that the experience people learn in their own families is much more important in terms of future success. In my opinion, both of these ways are crucial and, in
this
essay, I am going to prove my viewpoint with several arguments.
To begin
with, it is necessary to understand that teachers in schools are more qualified and mostly have stronger backgrounds which helps them teach better.
For instance
, it is harder for the common parent to explain to his child some math or physics tasks.
Moreover
, parents may be too busy working the whole day to help children with homework.
As a result
, under no circumstances, should pupils leave school and depend on their families.
On the other hand
,
while
schools provide only science knowledge, parents can give their children very important advice which may be utterly useful in the future.
For example
, issues like major, friend, first love and others are inevitable parts of the educational process between father, mother and child.
However
, sometimes children become orphans and they do not have an opportunity to take
this
experience which is mostly essential both for their present and future. In conclusion, I would like to say that there is no one certain thing which would be better for people in terms of their prospective success and development,
due to
the fact that these two processes are about different fields of life.
Submitted by me.melnichenko on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on specific skills or values learned from parents that contribute to future success. This would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that the examples used to support your points are highly relevant and specified. Currently, they are somewhat vague.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to better guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and gives an overview of what to expect in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and reflect a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows logically from one point to the next, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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