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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing numbers of students are going to university instead of working after high school. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who do this?

#numbers #students #university #school #people
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There is no denying the fact that, nowadays, it is a common phenomenon that young people tend to proceed with their
education
 rather than find a job after graduating a high school. Despite the obvious advantages for adolescents to continue their
education
 process, there are some drawbacks for them which I will indicate in the following paragraphs. Initiating with the key benefit, the knowledge and skills obtained at the university will definitely improve their personality and future income.
For instance
, comparing two groups of people there is no doubt that a graduated person will be paid more. Another point that can strike the minds is an upgraded and improved outlook
due to
 high-quality teaching and infinite sources of wisdom available and the
education
 centres. On the other side, many
students
 are forced to leave their hometowns and families in order to be accommodated in the vicinity of the
education
 venues. To cite an example, over 95% of the
students
 in top universities are people from other cities and countries.
Moreover
, radical separation leads to depression and stress which is forbidden for teenagers as it leads to mental and health degradation.
For example
, youngsters are the main victims of mental disorders and
as a result
, the number of suicides is high among
students
. Given the statement, preferring to continue their
education
 causes both positive and negative effects on
students
 that can not be neglected. In my opinion, the benefits of a shiny future
that is
 possible because of
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 degree
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks caused by obstacles on the way to literacy.
Submitted by h.israfilov on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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