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Band 6

"Old people are an essential part of society, so they should be respected.” How much do you agree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #part #society #support
Every country has an old
generation
 and they are the ones who work for a long time of their
life
 to develop their country. They are the ones who can guide us to our success. Because they have more
life
 experience than us. So
due to
this
 most of the time decisions taken by them are correct. As an
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
example our parents are
also
 now in the older
generation
. Both of them gave us birth and they gave us the required education and guidance to become successful in our
lives
. ,
,
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show examples
Still
Add a comma
,Still
show examples
 they guide us when we have a problem in both our private
life
 and our jobs. Because they have a good idea about the problems in our
lives
.
Also
, teachers who gave us education
also
 now in the same
generation
. They gave us a good knowledge of various subjects , they helped us to set our goals in
life
 and showed us the path to achieve them. They gave education to a lot of students during their lifetime and
this
 helped to build a well-educated and decent society. From
this
 ,
generation
 some of them are nurses and doctors. These are the people who help to protect our
lives
 from various illnesses and help us to maintain a healthy
life
 from birth to today. ,
Also
 some of them are soldiers and they are the ones who protect our country from various attacks. In summary, everyone in the old
generation
 is an essential part of society for various reasons as described above with examples. So we need to respect them as they sacrificed their
lives
 for our future.
Submitted by skdikshan on

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lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structure to avoid redundancies. Also make sure to avoid comma splices (i.e., using a comma to connect two independent clauses; e.g. "...birth to today, also some of them are soldiers...").
task response
Try to further develop your points for a stronger argument. For instances, while you mentioned that the older generation includes parents, teachers, doctors, and soldiers, you could provide more specific examples or delve deeper into how these roles contribute to society.
grammar
Avoid repetition and strive for a more engaging writing style. Don’t overuse certain phrases ('They are the ones'), and try to diversify your language use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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