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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, car and other items. Why is this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In
this
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 contemporary world,
people
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 are more prone to bye expensive items
such
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 as clothes, houses, watches and vehicles.
However
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, buying luxury items has positive and negative development. I think that negative development outweighs the positive development.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, there is a trend to buy luxury goods and
people
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 look for more unique things to put into their collections. It can be seen as a positive aspect, which is
people
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 are maintaining their social dignity by buying high-class items,
then
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 society knows how their level is.
For instance
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, world-famous player, Cristiano has a
billion dollars
Correct your spelling
billion-dollar
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 car collection,
although
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 he does not use them and his followers may know he is a wealthy person.
Moreover
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, a few
people
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 all over the world spend lots of
money
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 to purchase more comfortable rare clothes, cars and shoes to show their ability and seek first class in their community.
On the other hand
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, spending unexpected dollars to buy things has some detrimental effects,
such
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 as
people
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 gathering them by spending more
money
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 so they try to maintain their personality without caring
necessities
Change preposition
about necessities
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. They have a high probability of getting lost in the near future.
For example
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, some businessmen were not successful after experiencing more profits because they wasted
money
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 to buy a luxury collection. Another point is if wealthy
people
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 dedicate extra
money
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 to charity
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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, the suffering communities who come from deprived families will achieve comfortable lives.
For instance
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, the billionaires in the UK help the poor society but asian countries' ministers who have rich economies buy expensive cars, rare animals,
different
Correct word choice
and different
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 kinds of shoes and rebuild buildings uselessly.
Finally
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, if
money
Use synonyms
 is delivered in the right ways, future society will be offered great benefits. In conclusion,
people
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 use their
money
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 whenever they want to buy anything
although
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 which are not cheap. Sometimes, others suspect more disadvantages than advantages.

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task achievement
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task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Brand loyalty
  • Investment
  • Aspiration
  • Trendsetter
  • Affluent
  • Mimicry
  • Conformity
  • Identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Status
  • Perception
  • Advertise
  • Promote
  • Influence
  • Peer pressure
  • Societal expectations
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