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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different ways. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different ways. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The bar chart gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the rate of going to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 during
7days
Correct your spelling
7 days
 of week by Europeans between 2003 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,there was seen
a small fluctuations
Correct the article-noun agreement
small fluctuations
a small fluctuation
show examples
 in
people
Use synonyms
’s preference of which day they go to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 over the entire period.
People
Use synonyms
 in Europe tended to go to the on the weekend rather than on Monday to Friday. In 2003,40% of
people
Use synonyms
 went to the cinemas on a Saturday,compared to 30% on Friday or Sunday each.On the other days,most
people
Use synonyms
 went to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 on Tuesday at 20%,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest one can be seen on Monday at only
negligible
Correct article usage
a negligible
show examples
 10%. Over the next 4 years,the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 on weekends increased slightly to 45% and 35%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Saturday and Sunday respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
,Thursday and Monday become more popular among
cinema
Use synonyms
-goers,with about 2% more
people
Use synonyms
 choosing these days.
However
Linking Words
,fewer
people
Use synonyms
 went to see movies on Tuesday and Wednesday with the figures falling to 19% and 9% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
,the
movie-goers
Change noun form
movie-goer's
movie-goers'
show examples
 proportion choosing a Friday remained stable during
three
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
year
Correct your spelling
three-year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
period.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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