some people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. to what extend do you agree with this?

#people #money #factors #person #happiness

money

as we all know holds an important role in

people

's lives. But, speaking about

money

people

believe that

money

one

of the most significant aspects of bringing

people

joy.

This

statement,

however

, is always contradictory.

this

essay will discuss that

money

after all is an important factor in

people

's delightment.

one

important reason is that

money

is always required for every small thing in humans' lives. when a mother raises a newborn, she has to purchase clothes and stuff for the baby. when a child

finally

reaches school age, she through her parents is obtained to pay the school fee. what happens when the child is not able to go to school

while

her friends are capable? she definitely will feel miserable. another reason is that when you have already lived a good life, you still have to have sufficient

money

when you want to upgrade yourself.

for example

, a healthy body brings you happiness, and to be healthy, all you need is only eat good foods and exercise. you are able to do free exercise in public areas,

such

as jogging, running, and walking. but, your body will feel better if you

also

balance it by taking vitamins as your daily routine, and

money

is the

one

that pays you vitamins. another

one

is, that you are supposed to look good when smiling,

then

you could have brackets on your teeth. those will help you tidy up your teeth structure, and using bracket obviously demand

money

. I would conclude that

money

helps

people

to achieve their happiness.

however

, it is necessary for us to have correct knowledge in managing

money

thus

, we could spend

money

wisely and it will not cause us to be dependent on it.

Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on Mon Oct 02 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. to what extend do you agree with this?

Fully explain your ideas

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

In the future, no body will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything online without paying. To what extend do you agree or disagree to this opinion.

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent for free time activities. To what extend do agree or disagree?

The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge, but one which teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?