IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#people #children #phones #school #minutes
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In the modern era, technological
devices
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 surround individuals' daily routines, especially
children
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's lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people have the idea that
children
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 ought to be banned and restricted from using their mobile
phones
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 during lectures and free
time
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
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, the remaining individuals believe that
children
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 should be free to
use
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 their
phones
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 and
such
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devices
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.
Although
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 society divided
to
Change preposition
into
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 two different groups for
this
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 issue, I believe students might well
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 from using mobile
phones
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 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
time
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. On the one hand, technological
devices
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 can be a burden for their users because they can distract their owners.
As a result
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, parents might be concerned about
technological
Correct article usage
the technological
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 activities of their
children
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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.
For example
Linking Words
, mobile games
such
Linking Words
 as Candy Crush and Roblox are popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 kids, and they already spend too much
time
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for
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apply
show examples
talking about these games during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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.
Moreover
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, parents do not want to allow their
children
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 to play these games in
the
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apply
show examples
school
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and tablets are alternative tools for taking notes and some students
use
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 these
devices
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 effectively for
this
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 purpose. Despite the fact that many juveniles abuse these
devices
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, the second group of people support using technological products during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
time
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.
For instance
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, some students
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 notes faster than their pupils because mobile
phones
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 make it easier,
in addition
Linking Words
, they can add
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
 or
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 of something to their notes instantly through
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. From my point of view, many people right to have their own concerns about high-tech
devices
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 when these might affect their
children
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's education.
However
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, I definitely support
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of mobile
phones
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 during educational activities for teenagers. It might help their learning process and
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. In conclusion, there are different opinions about
Use synonyms
children
Correct word choice
whether children
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 should banned from
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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phones
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 or
they
Correct word choice
whether they
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 ought to be allowed to
use
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 these
devices
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 freely. In my opinion, parents should give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permisson
Correct your spelling
permission
 to
use
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 mobile
phones
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 for their
children
Use synonyms
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well-developed and explained in detail.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear and concise introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand on your ideas and provide more in-depth analysis.
grammatical range accuracy
Check for grammatical errors and sentence structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Minimize
  • Distractions
  • Prohibit
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate
  • Encourage
  • Social interaction
  • Educational apps
  • Safety tool
  • Emergencies
  • Responsible use
  • Balanced approach
  • Restrictions
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