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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated in amusement parks for the purpose of people’s recreation. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the present era, the establishment of water parks with the inclusion of
marine
 flora and fauna has become a widespread phenomenon on a global scale. These
marine
organisms
 undergo displacement from their indigenous ecosystems
due to
 human demands and necessities.
While
 it is true that there may be certain advantages, I am of the opinion that the drawbacks outweigh these benefits.
Due to
 the advancements in contemporary technology, numerous water parks have emerged worldwide, offering simulated habitats for
marine
organisms
.
Consequently
, individuals who possess an inclination towards observing these entities opt to visit them with the intention of engaging in educational pursuits, deriving pleasure, and conducting scholarly investigations.
Therefore
, the proprietor has the capacity to generate income and establish diverse forms of employment.
Furthermore
, individuals
such
 as researchers, students, and enthusiasts of
marine
 life who reside in distant locations from oceanic regions would have the opportunity to observe and study these fascinating creatures and flora, thereby saving both valuable time and financial resources. Despite the advancements in technology, it remains incapable of effectively replicating the natural environment necessary for the sustenance of
marine
 flora and fauna.
Consequently
, a multitude of
marine
organisms
 are facing the imminent risk of extinction on our planet.
Furthermore
, the act of displacing these
organisms
 from their indigenous environment will result in detrimental consequences to the intricate web of interdependent relationships within food chains, ultimately leading to disruptions in the delicate balance of the ecosystem. Another aspect to consider is that
due to
 certain constraints, there is a scarcity of available spaces for their various activities.
For instance
, if larger
marine
 species
such
 as dolphins and sharks experience spatial constraints, it could potentially impact their reproductive behaviours.
Conversely
, the patrons are deprived of their desired sustenance
due to
 the stringent protocols and regulations enforced by the proprietor. Taking into account the aforementioned factors, the act of transferring
marine
organisms
 from their indigenous environment would constitute a breach of animal welfare principles. In conclusion, considering the aforementioned factors, despite the existence of certain benefits associated with retaining
marine
 species in artificial enclosures, the potential negative consequences arising from these modifications may surpass the advantages.
Submitted by subha.mri on

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task achievement
Expand on the advantages and disadvantages mentioned in the introduction to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points in each paragraph are organized logically and clearly relate to the thesis statement.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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