IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Is it your personality as a teenager shaped by family or your environment

#personality #teenager #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Various factors affect the development of a teenager’s
personality
Use synonyms
 including their family and
environment
Use synonyms
.Some people argue that family plays a more dominant
role
Use synonyms
 than
environment
Use synonyms
 related to a child’s behaviour,
whereas
Linking Words
 others claim the contrary.I am concerned that family,as the first source of socialization,plays a vital
role
Use synonyms
 in shaping an individual’s
personality
Use synonyms
.The main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 statement will be presented in
this
Linking Words
 essay. To commence with,family members are the primary life models for adolescents since it is their first social group.if a child grows up in a house with bad-mannered people,he tends to behave impolite to others.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the relationship between parents and
children
Use synonyms
 can significantly influence a teenager’s emotional well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, sincere conversations between family members and teenagers will give them more support in life.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is from a family that kids learn about values and earn love and support.
Secondly
Linking Words
,both the factors impact development teenager's
personality
Use synonyms
.To give an example,
children
Use synonyms
 from a less supportive family can find positive
role
Use synonyms
 models from their
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,I would say that family plays a leading
role
Use synonyms
 in building
personality
Use synonyms
 traits in a child.It is during
this
Linking Words
 time that
children
Use synonyms
 are dependent upon adults to meet their needs that their concept of the importance of family develops.So,the family is the basic unit of society.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the base of social groups is crucial for the cognitive improvement of
children
Use synonyms
, as it teaches
children
Use synonyms
 to have a better understanding of themselves and of the
environment
Use synonyms
 around them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are so many adolescents who are orphans from a young age.They learn everything from their
environment
Use synonyms
 or people around them.So,it is important to have a good primary socializing agent.
To conclude
Linking Words
,I think teenage personalities are shaped more by their family rather than their
environment
Use synonyms
 including the reasons above.Since social skills,
role
Use synonyms
 models, and all emotional support are given by the family,we tend to look alike to our relatives.
Submitted by aminazhalgas2007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent logical structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the accuracy of your grammar, especially regarding subject-verb agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: