IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It has become very common for people to borrow money. Maby people have credit card, a mortgage and often they buy a car on credit card as well. Is this a good idea or this is too risky? Discuss both views abd give your own opinion.

Recent decades have seen an increasingly growing trend toward using
credit
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 to pay for important purchases. Whether spending borrowed
money
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 is a wise financial choice or a cause of concern has long been a hot topic in society. In
this
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 essay, I will try to shed some light on both sides of the argument and present evidence as to why, in my point of view, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. Those considering
credit
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 as an essential part of survivorship have numerous advocates with their weighty arguments. Young
people
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 tend to take out mortgages, particularly when getting married, and, by doing so, aim to provide a better quality of life for their new family. It is widely believed that
people
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 should own their own house to secure themselves stable future and
as a result
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, it turned out to be more practical.
Moreover
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, the importance of a good
credit
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 score in emergency occasions, where access to funds could close the gap between health and financial issues, hardly needs to be emphasised. As far as I am concerned,
while
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 tempting to view
credit
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 cards as a bad way to solve a need, they are most likely to be useful in case if you use them properly.
On the other hand
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, the position of those regarding borrow as a main culprit behind financial dependency
also
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 merits every consideration.
Although
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 becoming a common practice, borrowing
money
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 for daily purchases is hardly likely to be perceived as an adequate decision. Indeed, it is crucial that
people
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 be able to make enough amount of
money
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,
as well as
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, paid off their loans.
However
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, some of them frequently forget, that
credit
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money
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 must eventually be obtained back through time.
People
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 who find themselves suffering from a lack of
money
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 may be doomed to failure if they continue to accumulate debt. All the above mentioned have brought me to the conclusion that only by implementing a correct
credit
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 policy and attitudes can financial stability be achieved.

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task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are fully developed and elaborated with more examples or explanations to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words to guide the reader better through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your stance in the introduction for a stronger thesis statement. You might say, 'In my opinion, while borrowing can be risky, if managed well, it can offer significant advantages.'
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and shows an understanding of the topic with relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economy
  • Invest
  • Future planning
  • Financial flexibility
  • Immediate access
  • Unmanageable debt
  • Financial literacy
  • Interest rates
  • Long-term impact
  • Good debt
  • Bad debt
  • Depreciative value
  • Consumer goods
  • Budgeting
  • Repayment plan
  • Emergency fund
  • Credit rating
  • Obtaining credit
  • Normalize
  • Advertising
  • Regulation
  • Responsible lending
  • Transparency
  • Financial agreements
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