some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides give your opinion.
There is no doubt that the number of
crimes
is creasing
rapidly which Verb problem
increasing
caused
a major problem Wrong verb form
is causing
to
society. Change preposition
for
When
Correct word choice
While when
majority
of Add an article
the majority
a majority
community
thinks that the Correct article usage
the community
goverment
should have Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the resposibility
resposibility
to prevent criminals, some other communities say it should be personal responsibility. Both Correct your spelling
responsibility
idea
have Change to a plural noun
ideas
its
own Correct pronoun usage
their
adventages
and disadvantages. Correct your spelling
advantages
This
essay will elaborate these
ideas with some supporting Change preposition
on these
evidences
.
On one hand, the Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
goverment
is an authorised organisation Correct your spelling
government
in controlling
Change preposition
to control
the
criminals. As they have Correct article usage
apply
polices
and laws to Correct your spelling
policies
avoid
people Verb problem
prevent
going
Change preposition
from going
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
ways
. Literally, criminals are a Fix the agreement mistake
way
danger
problem because the residents have to face Replace the word
dangerous
with
unexpected Change preposition
apply
inccidents
Correct your spelling
incidents
accidents
may
happen to them or their Correct pronoun usage
that may
love
ones which will impact Replace the word
loved
on
their daily productivity. If Change preposition
apply
government
can take control Add an article
the government
crime
prevention properly, people will be comfortable Change preposition
of crime
to live
and Change the verb form
living
work
in a Wrong verb form
working
safety
environment. Replace the word
safe
Thus
their works
will be more productive and create more benefits to the economy and society.
On the other Fix the agreement mistake
work
hands
, unexpected cases can happen at any time, Fix the agreement mistake
hand
any where
. To keep families and ourselves Join the words
anywhere
at
the Change preposition
in
safetiest
condition in advance is preventing Correct your spelling
safest
protential
Correct your spelling
potential
crimes
happening
individually. Change preposition
from happening
Such
as always keeping valuable items inside bag
when travelling on the roads or locking the door before going out. It would be a great action if each person Correct article usage
a bag
can
take Wrong verb form
could
a
its own responsibility for their belongings to avoid Remove the article
apply
crimes
.
In conclusion, government
should be the majority Add an article
the government
organistion
in Correct your spelling
organisation
term
of avoiding potential Fix the agreement mistake
terms
crimes
as they have the rights
to control Fix the agreement mistake
right
community
, Correct article usage
the community
however
, from my point of view, individual
should be encouraged to look after themselves to minimise Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
the
Correct article usage
apply
crimes
initially
.Submitted by lee18587 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider reorganizing your conclusion to summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review grammar and sentence structure for clarity and accuracy.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!