IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that Zoo's are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however believe that zoo can be useful in protecting wild animals. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoo #animals
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people have
diffirent
Correct your spelling
different
 views about whether
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 are extremely important or useless.some people strongly believe that
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
types
Use synonyms
 of settings are so
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
however
Linking Words
 others totally believe that
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where
animals
Use synonyms
 live
this
Linking Words
 places are useless and very harmful to living
animals
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,many inhabitants create new
zoos
Use synonyms
 for earning money and viewers visit these kinds of
preceding
Verb problem
apply
show examples
places and give money for it and
also
Linking Words
,they give food and beverages to
animals
Use synonyms
moreover
Linking Words
 they take
foto
Correct your spelling
photos
show examples
 with
animals
Use synonyms
.On the other side of the coin,
this
Linking Words
 situation
give
Verb problem
has
show examples
 much more
badly
Change the word
bad
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
further
Linking Words
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
they lose
capacity
Add an article
the capacity
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of hunting
Change preposition
to hunt
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 what is more,they do not want make
relationship
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a relationship
the relationship
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 with other male or
femele
Correct your spelling
female
animals
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.
this
Linking Words
 situation
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 of decreasing rate of creatures that are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,if individuals establish various
types
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 of
zoos
Use synonyms
 for
animals
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be extremely good
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for living
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,we can save extraordinary
animals
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via
Change preposition
by
show examples
 creating new places
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
relates
Wrong verb form
relate
show examples
 to living
animals
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,they always eat fresh and herbs foods
as a result
Linking Words
 it gives much more energy for growing to
animals
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
Thera
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
 are several opinions about
this
Linking Words
 question ,
for instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 much more income for both sides
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people and
animals
Use synonyms
To sum up
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are important
setting
Fix the agreement mistake
settings
show examples
 for all
types
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 others completely believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are unnecessary
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 and very awful for
animals
Use synonyms
.Arguably,l strongly believe that we ought to establish new
types
Use synonyms
 of setting
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 is related to
living
Add an article
the living
a living
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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Advice
Task Response: The essay provides some arguments for both sides of the topic, but the structure and development of ideas are lacking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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