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Band 4.5

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#meat #diet
Nowadays, many are of the opinion that sticking to a diet which only includes plant foods is enough to maintain a balanced lifestyle.
Although
this
 is a subject
that is
 approved by many, I strongly believe that it has been exaggerated and that eating cuisines which contain
meat
 is essential for
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term .
This
 will be proved by analyzing the
vitamin
 deficiency and eating disorders which is followed by
this
 meatless diet.
Firstly
, it is crucial to understand that
meat
 is a necessity for humans. All the important
nutritions
Replace the word
nutrients
show examples
 can be found in
meat
 products.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 a minor part of
vitamin
 D can be provided for our body from plants
however
 it is definitely not enough for a grownup . To be more specific there is a certain type of
Vitamin
 D which can only be absorbed from
meat
thus
 those who do not eat
such
 meals are more likely to have
Vitamin
 deficiencies . Even nutritionists have refuted
this
 diet several times since it could lead to dangerous potential diseases .
Second
Add an article
The second
A second
show examples
 reason
that is
 vital to keep in mind is the fact that non-
meat
-eaters tend to experience different levels of eating disorders at some point. Consider a person who is constantly obsessing over the meals they consume
.not
Correct your spelling
Not
 only will
this
 mentally have a negative effect, but
also
 your physical health will be put at risk. A recent
Study
Fix capitalization
study
show examples
 related to
this
 subject has shown that by becoming a vegetarian the chances of struggling with
such
condition
Correct article usage
a condition
show examples
 will be enhanced .
Therefore
 not eating
meat
 may seem a healthier habit at first but after a
while
Add a comma
,while
show examples
 it will turn into a much deeper issue affecting your mental health . In
summary
Add a comma
,summary
show examples
such
 diets will be the major culprit of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of necessary vitamins for one’s body and will undoubtedly lead to obsessive eating habits..as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was illustrated in
this
 essay, eliminating meaty dishes is proved to be completely wrong and no plant food will ever compensate for it .
Submitted by kimiaradfahim on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure and organization of your essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and collocations.
grammatical range accuracy
Demonstrate a wider range of grammar structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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