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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#meat #diet
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Nowadays, many are of the opinion that sticking to a diet which only includes plant foods is enough to maintain a balanced lifestyle.
Although
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this
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 is a subject
that is
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 approved by many, I strongly believe that it has been exaggerated and that eating cuisines which contain
meat
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 is essential for
body
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the body
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especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term .
This
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 will be proved by analyzing the
vitamin
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 deficiency and eating disorders which is followed by
this
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 meatless diet.
Firstly
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, it is crucial to understand that
meat
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 is a necessity for humans. All the important
nutritions
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nutrients
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 can be found in
meat
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 products.
For
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instance
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,instance
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 a minor part of
vitamin
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 D can be provided for our body from plants
however
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 it is definitely not enough for a grownup . To be more specific there is a certain type of
Vitamin
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 D which can only be absorbed from
meat
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thus
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 those who do not eat
such
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 meals are more likely to have
Vitamin
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 deficiencies . Even nutritionists have refuted
this
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 diet several times since it could lead to dangerous potential diseases .
Second
Add an article
The second
A second
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 reason
that is
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 vital to keep in mind is the fact that non-
meat
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-eaters tend to experience different levels of eating disorders at some point. Consider a person who is constantly obsessing over the meals they consume
.not
Correct your spelling
Not
 only will
this
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 mentally have a negative effect, but
also
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 your physical health will be put at risk. A recent
Study
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study
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 related to
this
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 subject has shown that by becoming a vegetarian the chances of struggling with
such
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condition
Correct article usage
a condition
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 will be enhanced .
Therefore
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 not eating
meat
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 may seem a healthier habit at first but after a
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while
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,while
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 it will turn into a much deeper issue affecting your mental health . In
summary
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,summary
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such
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 diets will be the major culprit of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of necessary vitamins for one’s body and will undoubtedly lead to obsessive eating habits..as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was illustrated in
this
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 essay, eliminating meaty dishes is proved to be completely wrong and no plant food will ever compensate for it .
Submitted by kimiaradfahim on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure and organization of your essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and collocations.
grammatical range accuracy
Demonstrate a wider range of grammar structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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